A Reflection and a Glance into a Promising Future

Wow. What a year 2012 has been! It was in January, 12 months ago, that the Lord placed Cambodia on my heart. I was shocked, scared, and thought I was going crazy. Little did I know the joy that would come with following the Lord's command.

This year has brought upon so many changes, probably the most changes I've experienced in my lifetime. And, even so, there are many more to come with 2013. I have gained so much and been truly blessed by the Body of Christ at both of the churches I attend, one at home, and one when I'm at school. I have never seen others so confident in something that I was doubtful of, but with Christ, all things are possible.

I would have to say that being able to fulfill what the Lord asked of me is quite rewarding. This is NOT to say that it has been easy, in fact I would say it was harder than ever. My faith has been stretched to a point I never thought it would be. I think back to my short time in Cambodia and what an impact it made on my life and how the Lord showed me so much through the children at AGHO.

I have such a desire and longing to be back there with my arms wrapped around those children. They are all so brave and I know that the Lord is preparing them to help a new generation in Cambodia rise up to defeat the enemy and bring joy back to this country.

I pray I will be able to return this summer. I also pray that the Lord would make it clear to me on what I should do next with this task He has given me. Please pray :)

Our GREAT God is doing GREAT things!!!

There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about all the kids at AGHO. I miss them so much. I can't wait to be able to send them all of these books that the Body of Christ have so willingly given! This is so incredible! I have so many people to thank. The list is endless.

Big things are coming for AGHO. Potters Field Ministries are now partnering with AGHO and new building plans are in sight! As of now, I am aware that they will be building them a new school that will provide kindergarten through high school! The older kids no longer have to go to the incompetent public schools! I am sure they are so excited about this! This is paving the way for so much more to come! Praise Jesus! The Lord just blows my mind sometimes.

Back in January, I had no idea that the Lord was going to do such amazing things in Cambodia. He has opened up a whole new world to me and I am SO incredibly blessed because of it. Every person I talk to, every sermon I hear, are all saying the same thing, and that is that I should follow what the Lord is telling me to do.  It's really a scary thought because my plans were to just finish college and get a teaching job. Part of me realllllly wants to do that, and that isn't a bad thing. The other part of me is so desperate to be back there it is killing me. I wish I could just graduate in May and say peace out, but in some aspects I think maybe I am just trying to run away from the "grown up world" and getting a real job. I mean no one ever wants to grow up! Either way, I am not ready for any of this yet.

I am so glad that our Lord is gracious and merciful and that there is no such thing as a "perfect" Christian, because I am so far from it. I have constantly been reminded lately that my righteousness has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Him. There is nothing I can do to have God love me more or less. There is nothing I can do to be made "good" or "better" in His eyes, or "worse". What a relief. I am so glad for this truth.

I heard a friend speak at our college service the other night and one thing he said really hit me. He said something along the lines of,"How many days do we get up and go on with our routines and lives  ignoring the fact that Jesus is sitting right at the foot of the bed wanting to commune with us?" It's so true. I do this way, WAY too often. I am so convicted of this here recently. One of my close friends is pretty much addicted to the Bible. She's in it literally hours upon hours daily. How I wish I was blessed with that desire. She told me that "when we neglect God's Word, we shouldn't feel guilty, but thirsty." Yep, that hits the nail on the head! But what about when we're not thirsty? One of my pastors said, "discipline turns into desire," but that's not easy. Nothing ever really is.

Angels

Things are in full swing with the AGHO Christmas Angel Project! I cannot thank people enough for their interest and servanthood in this! It's crazy how God has given other people a heart for these kids and they don't even know them! I try to be sort of anonymous on this thing since it is public on the internet, but I would like to personally thank a special person who God has opened her spirit to love these children. She is such an amazing, godly, woman, and I am so glad to be able to call her mentor and friend. She has been behind this mission since the beginning and I have so much to thank her for. It brings me so much joy to say that I am apart of a Body of Christ who loves what God loves. Those children are such precious angels and I miss them everyday. I got to chat with Ginny over lunch for the first time since she got back and it was quite refreshing. We can't wait to go back!

In some of my previous posts, I've talked a lot about Heaven, but right now thinking about Heaven is something totally different. My grandmother passed away yesterday. She raised all of us. Literally. We all called her Gaga. Funny name, but there is none like her. You can thank my oldest cousin for choosing that one, and I'm glad she did. It is so weird to think about death. I've never really had anyone close to me die before, so this is definitely a wake up call. But, what is really strange to me is that my Gaga has accomplished what we are all waiting and yearning for. She made it! Finally, she has fulfilled her purpose and is with Jesus. Yes, of course, I am sad because I will miss her, but I am rejoicing that she is with Jesus. It doesn't even make sense to me that we mourn over people when they pass on. I mean isn't that the whole reason we are living? To finally be able to leave this place and go home? I day dream about finally being in Heaven with my Savior and I am so happy for her that she is finally there! I can imagine she is playing a huge golden organ for all the angels and beings worshipping at God's throne. I know she will have them entertained with her playing. No one is gonna get bored, that's for sure.

My mom jokes around and says we should nominate her for sainthood. We laugh and joke about it, but really she would definitely qualify. She is the most loving, serving, God fearing woman I have ever known. I aim to be as she was. How lucky I am to have had such an example of what being a godly woman means. I am so thankful for my Gaga and I can just imagine her singing and rejoicing with the angels. It is such a beautiful scene in my thoughts. I know she is loving it there.

She was able to actually read some of these posts that my family printed out for her while I was in Cambodia. She was telling me how she enjoyed reading them. I always talk about Cambodia, she would say she didn't want me to go back, but I know that's only because she is worried about my safety. If anything, I know she wants me to fulfill what I feel the Lord has called me to, and whatever that means doing, I will do.

I don't really know if people are aware of what happens on earth once their soul is in Heaven. But, if she is aware, I want her to look down upon me with the angels and be proud of me. It's going to be weird not seeing her, but I know one day I will.

Romans 8:25

The Long Road

Wow. I can't even describe to you the longing I have to be with those children in Cambodia right now. I can't stop thinking about them. I dream about them every night. I can't help but cry. This is such a strange thing for me. I feel like I'm just being over dramatic, but I really am heartbroken right now. I literally have a sick feeling in my chest of just longing and emptiness. Everything I look at reminds me of something to do with Cambodia. I promise you I probably talk about Cambodia and those kids at least ten times a day.

I know I'll be going back. There is really no doubt of that it seems, but I just don't know when. It would be a dream come true if I could go back in December for Christmas, but I know that is not a very realistic thing.

Talk about a battle between flesh and spirit, man, I feel like two whole different people right now haha. Part of me can't wait to get my own little classroom at a little school and have my nice little life, go to a nice little church and have a nice little family all while staying in the comforts of the United States in Alabama where I'm close to my mom, dad, and sister, and everyone speaks english. The other part of me despises that. I was talking to a friend and I told her what I was struggling with and made a joke about how I wanted a cookie cutter life. She said, "You can't do that, because you would hate it." She's right...I think. I wish I had enough faith to just say to heck with it all and uproot myself and follow the Lord wholeheartedly with no fears or doubts...but, that's just not reality for me at this point. I know I need to graduate, and I'm going to, and on time too, and I know I need to try and get a job and teach a little while and pay off my loans. But, I just think about this and I'm like, God is so much bigger than student loans and He's so much bigger than tenure. I then think to myself, well maybe once I'm married I'll go over there for long term-- and that's an even STUPIDER reason to wait!

I know that I'll be returning, and until then, I will continue to pray and weep with tears of longing and joy for the country the Lord has instilled in me. I realize that I need to make disciples wherever the Lord puts me, and right now, that is here, as a college student.

I was talking to a friend at dinner tonight and they told me, "If you do anything for the cross, there is always a cost." I know this and I am scared of this. I am a worshiper of safety and comfort and security and stability and the thought of sacrificing so much truly does scare me. I am such a sinner for this, and I am very aware of it. I pray the Lord would break me of these fleshly desires. Lately I've been intentionally trying to block of the Holy Spirit- which is pretty much impossible HA! like I can go up against God...but, I've been trying to shut my ears and heart because I am afraid of what He'll ask me to do. That's pathetic, I know. I mean, I'm supposed to be a "Christian" right? Aren't I supposed to want to "live my life for Him because He died for me?" It's so easy to talk about and say, 'oh, I'll do this for the Lord, and I'll go here, and I want to do this mission, ect.,' but it is so hard to actually do and commit to. I am realizing that when I talk about these things that they are actually REAL and not just some catchy churchy Christian phrase I'm repeating.

I pray for a revelation, and I pray for patience until that comes.

The end and the beginning

I am home now and pretty much half way settled into my dorm at school. Everything has been so crazy and hectic it feels like. The flights back went well and I was glad to see my parents when they picked me up in Atlanta. We went for IHOP after that which was a real treat.  The second day of school is today and I feel like my head is on backwards. I haven't had time to process everything that's happened and I can definitely tell I am holding back so many emotions. Sunday I got to go to TCASC and see my college friends. I wasn't really able to say hello to anyone else at church though because after the service everything kind of hit me all at once and I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Luckily, I have awesome friends who are always there for me who helped me make a quick getaway without causing a scene haha. During the service some missionaries shared their testimonies and included a story about working with some orphans. This is what really got me I think, and the fact that I was just so overwhelmed by being able to attend corporate worship again! I just lost it and the tears wouldn't stop. I don't even really know why I was crying, but I knew I couldn't stop thinking about those precious children at AGHO. I don't know why I won't let myself just cry over missing them and longing to be back with them, but I guess maybe its just a coping mechanism. I keep having these horrible dreams that I am just convulsively sobbing but have still yet to let myself feel my emotions completely.

I am definitely still coping with jet-lag. Its kind of ridiculous actually. Yesterday I slept from 3pm to 11 at night, and then still slept through the night. I don't know what it will take to get back on a regular schedule. I feel like I am just m.i.a. right now. I am kind of mad at myself because I feel like I should be going out and trying to meet new people and freshmen and tell them about Ecclesia and Christ, but I just  literally haven't been able to. It's weird for me because normally I am all over the place all the time, but these past two days I have really only been able to take care of myself. And, I understand that there is nothing wrong with that, but I still feel bad.

God is so good y'all. I really don't know what my future with Cambodia holds, but I know there is one. I wasn't expecting for God to reveal it to me when I went, and I am happy to just wait and be patient until He shows me what is next. I know I want to return to AGHO, but since I will be graduating and hopefully be starting a job next fall, I will need to be preparing my classroom during July, and it so happens to really be the only available time for me to go back as soon as I can. Who knows? Maybe I won't get a job and I'll be able to go back and stay for awhile (not that I don't want to get a teaching job, because I do!) I really don't know. I truly have no idea what is to come and I am just going to trust in God's sovereign plan for my life. I know He is looking out for those little angels in Cambodia, and that He is looking out for me as I start my senior year. I pray that the Lord would be able to use me this year to spread His name in whatever way that way may be. I want to live my life for Him, but this isn't to say I won't mess up or stumble, because I will. I am so thankful for His grace and mercy that are new every day. He is so great and I pray that the Lord would give me opportunities daily so show His love and share the Gospel with those around me.

Thank you everyone for praying for me and supporting me! I literally am in awe of how the Lord has used the Body of Christ to help me on this journey that has only just begun!

Temples, Idols, and Elephants

We went to see the temples one day and they were absolutely breathe taking. I admit, I do not know too much about the temples at all and haven't done any research on them. As I was exploring them, I could have kicked myself because I wish I would have learned more about them before I came. I spent more time researching other things about Cambodia such as the genocide, their culture, and the language. I didn't really anticipate to even visit the temples, but I am glad I got to.

We stayed in a hotel in Siem Reap and woke up the next morning to go to Angkor Wat. We took a tuk-tuk, which is always fun. I thought that there was just one temple or a few temples and that the whole thing was called "Angkor Wat," but no, this is the name of only one of the temples, the most famous and most visited. We visited about 5 temples. There are about 200. I can't remember the names of all of them, but I do know they were breath taking. These temples were so huge! I cannot fathom how people built these with such intricate detail and architectural work with no modern technology. The temples were so tall, and you could get lost very, very easily. There were tons of hallways and towers and stairwell, and courtyards. There were also many, many, idols. I still get the creeps just thinking about it. I literally cannot describe to you the feeling I get looking into one of the faces of these statues. Though I am not afraid, because I know the demonic spirits actually being worshiped have no power over me, I still can feel such a sense of evil. It makes me very uneasy looking at the statues, especially the larger ones. These people are in such deceit. If there is a type of feeling I could describe about looking at the statues, it is a feeling of mockery and deceit. It makes me angry that these people have been tricked into believing that their religion is true. I haven't really thought about it like this before, but there is a spiritual aspect to their religion. They do experience spiritual encounters or whatever you want to call it, but these spirits are evil, demonic, spirits. That is what freaks me out. We don't often think about that in the U.S.- evil spirits lurking around and possessions, and when we do it is when we watch  a scary movie or around Halloween time, but evil is real. There are evil spirits and there is a real, literal, Satan. I am always reminded of this when I read scriptures that talk about how we are fighting things we cannot see and there is a spiritual battle. Its easy to just focus on the good things about Christianity, but we also have to remember that evil is still present and that Satan has dominion on our Earth. Yes, God is still sovereign and in control, but Satan also has power to destroy and corrupt. I hate admitting that, but its not like we can just pretend that there is no evil, no Satan, and no hell, because there is a Hell and lost souls are there and will go there. I hate that. I hate that SO MUCH! As much as I wish it weren't true, it would be hypocritical of me to claim Christ and the Bible and also say, "well, I believe that this part of the Bible is true, but not that part." There are things in the Bible I wish were not there. There are things that upset me and things I don't understand. I have done much, much reading and studying on topics such as these and the only conclusion I can come to is that God's ways are higher than our ways. What we think is justice isn't the same as what God thinks is justice. To compare what we think should happen, to what God has planned and does, is a joke. As if we know best!? He's the King of the Universe, I think He knows what He's doing!

It is an insult to think that these temples and statues are built to glorify evil. I can't stand that! This only gives me a sense of urgency to proclaim the gospel, not only in Cambodia, but here, in my everyday life. We can't just assume that because we live out the gospel with our actions that people will just come up to us and ask us why we are the way we are and you will automatically have an open door to share the gospel. While living out the gospel with actions is essential, it is also essential that we verbally proclaim Christ! That's like a boy in love with a girl who never tells her. Is she just supposed to know by the way he acts around her? No. I mean, we've seen it in all the movies haha. We must proclaim the gospel with EVERY aspect of our lives! I admit, this is SO hard. I admit, I struggle with this almost daily. If we didn't struggle with doing good and living like Christ, then we would be Christ, and we definitely know that's not true. What we must realize is that there is always an open door. There is an open door because Christ opened it. We must take our Christian lives seriously and take the fact that Hell exists and that people's souls will suffer there if they do not know their Savior, seriously. Hell isn't a popular topic to talk about, and especially in church....what's wrong with that picture?....but we can't avoid truth. We can't just avoid something because we don't like it. And, trust me, its very easy to do.

I was not anticipating to get on this rant, but all of this is not to say that we should focus on Satan, and evil, and Hell, but to let the fact that it is real, fuel our eagerness to want to live like Christ and show His love in action and in word. And, this is DEFINITELY not to say that we should preach a "Turn or Burn" mindset or preach about the realities of Hell to "scare people into Heaven." This is not the Gospel, and if we are "saved" because we are afraid of Hell, our salvation is void. But, instead, we must focus on the goodness of Christ and the satisfaction He brings to our lives. He is the Living Water and our souls are forever thirsty for Him! Think about it this way, if Christ weren't in Heaven, would you still want to be there?

Anyways, the temples were really cool and we even got to go in the one where they filmed the movie Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie. It was an awesome experience. One thing that was difficult for me was the fact that some of the temples had extremely, long, high, steep stair cases. I have a fear of heights and this was very, very hard for me to deal with. At first, I just wasn't going to go up into the other parts of the temple, but just because I am afraid of something, doesn't mean I won't do it. I was shaking the whole time and clinging to the side of the thin rail all the way up. I admit, I felt accomplished when I got up to the top of the first stair case. I didn't think about the fact that I had to go down. I really couldn't even enjoy the time I had at the top because I was dreading the way back down those stairs. I have pictures, and I will post them, because this was NOT your average staircase! When it was time to go down, I literally thought I was going to throw up. I didn't which was good. The way down was worse than the way up. I felt like I was going to fall at any moment. I thought I was going to have a panic attack, but luckily did not. When I finally got off of the stairwell from my nightmares, I felt so dizzy, and just sat down and closed my eyes and then the tears started to come. We sat for about ten minutes and then moved on to the next temples. I had no idea that there were many more stairs like these, and that they were steeper, higher, and scarier! When we came to the next temple and I saw the stairs, I almost didn't go, but I decided to anyways, heck, I did it once, I can do it again. I thought it wouldn't be as hard since I had done it already....but no, it was just as scary, and I freaked out just as much. The steepest and longest one was at a smaller temple but one that was very, very, high. I did manage to climb up and down it, but again, it was still horrible. My heart was beating so fast, before, during, and after the climb. I am proud that I did it, but I still don't know if it was worth going through that over and over haha. I admit, I am a total scardy cat! I get very afraid of little things, but still always do them. It's kind of ironic actually haha.

After a few temples, we ate lunch and took a little break. It was then that we made a definite decision about the elephants. Yes, elephants, and whether to ride one or not. I know that Ginny had heard about it and really wanted to do it, but I was still on the fence. When we saw the elephants though, I knew that I just had to do it! I mean, who can say that they've ridden an elephant before? This is a once in a life time opportunity. As like before with the stairs, I was a little afraid of this. Our elephant's name was Sophie. She was about 40 years old, and beautiful. There is a huge platform you have to walk up in order to climb onto the elephant. The elephant has a cloth over her back, and attached is a wooden seat supported by wooden stilts that nicely fit her back. Ginny, Yong, and I all rode together. It was unreal. I kept thinking to myself, is this real? Am I literally riding an elephant in Cambodia right now? We rode for about 20 minutes around the temples and when we got off we were able to pet Sophie. She was so sweet. They are truly smart animals. Her eyes were beautiful. Just looking into them I swear I could see her soul. I don't know if animals have souls or if they go to Heaven, but I'd like to think so.  And, if they do, I know Sophie will be there. I mean...think about it....it was the Fall of Man not the fall of the animals too?! Right??? This may be a stretch, but hey, Jesus does comes back on a horse so there's still hope! Haha

By the end of the day we were all pretty tired and were craving some American food. Luckily, Siem Reap is a touristy town and there were tons of white people there. It was more common to see a white person on the street than a Cambodian. Because of this, there were lots of restaurants with western food. We decided on Mexican....kind of ironic that we classify that as American haha. It was really good. I had already gotten in the mind set of coming home, and I could tell I was truly tired of Khmer food. Though the Khmer food was delicious, it always seemed to make my stomach a little upset. It was pretty much like this the entire trip every other day. The other girls experienced a little bit of it too. The funny thing was though, the night I was the sickest, was the night we had pizza and french fries with salad and coke in Phnom Phen. How ironic!? I think it was because I was so used to eating fresh, non chemical, organic meats and vegetables that something the slightest processed just through me off.

I'll finish up with the end of the trip in my next post.

Love,

Laura

Harsh realities, comforting truths.

Yesterday, I left the orphanage in the morning. I wanted it to be a quick goodbye so it wouldn't be as hard, but it didn't turn out that way. I wanted to cry so bad, but told myself I wouldn't. I think now I am feeling the affects of holding back those tears. It has hit me that I won't be seeing them.

We left yesterday morning and drove up to Phnom Phen where we took a detour and finally went to Toul Sleng. Toul Sleng is the highschool Pol Pot used during the Khmer Rouge as a prison and torture center. I cannot even begin to describe to you the horror that went on at this place. Never in my life have I felt such uneasiness. It was horrible. Ginny and I got a tour guide who took us through all three buildings and gave us many details I wish we had been spared of. It was very informational. Turns out she was a survivor of the Khmer Rouge. She told us her story about how she had to walk almost half way across the country, was separated from her parents and siblings and never saw them again. She was left in the rice fields and couldn't walk because her leg had been brutally damaged by torture. She showed us her scare on her left leg. She didn't tell us what they did to her. She said she was only 14 years old. She survived by eating worms in the rice fields. She did this for about 4 years and survived.

When touring Toul Sleng we were shown the places where they used to torture people. This is very, very, difficult for me to write about right now, but people need to know. It was the most horrific scenes I had every seen. They still had the metal beds and torturing tools they used. There were images on the walls of people who had been tortured and the different methods. There were still blood splatters all over the ceilings and stains on the floor that are still visible. It was the worst thing I have ever seen or witnessed. We also saw where the prisoners were kept. There was such a sense of hopelessness I felt. There were many, many, gruesome images of tortured corpses. There are bones on display and pictures of all of the victims because they were all registered under Pol Pot. When we were in one room I tripped over something, later to find out that it was an anchor on the floor where prisoners were chained and lined up in rows, dead or alive. Seeing some of the pictures of the children that were victims was the worst. A lot of them looked like kids at the orphanage. It makes me sick. I can't even describe to you what it is taking me to write this write now. I am horrified.

After Toul Sleng, we went to the memorial at the Killing Fields. We took an audio tour. There were over 3 million people killed during the Khmer Rouge, and most in killing fields. The people would be tortured at Toul Sleng and then brought in a truck to the killing fields, either already dead, or almost dead. They would be blind folded and hands tied behind their back, put on their knees, killed and pushed into the mass graves. Because bullets were expensive, most victims were killed by being struck in the head with tools such as shovels or large bamboo sticks. No one was an exception, not even some of the Khmer Soldiers. Men, women, and children of all ages, even infants were murdered senselessly. There is a spot where a large tree stands. This was a tree that was used to kill the babies. The soldiers would take the babies and throw them up against the tree. Sometimes the mothers witnessed this. Other times, unborn babies were ripped out of the mother's womb. Along the path around the mass graves there are clothes, teeth, and bones, that are still making their way to the surface. I have never witnessed anything as terrible as this. There were rags of clothes sticking out half way from under the dirt. There were many bones that we saw also making its way to the surface. There were small fragments at first on the trail, but as we kept walking, we started to see more clothes and larger bones coming up from the surface. There were bits of skull and long bones that looked like they were arms or legs. There were displays of piles and piles of clothes. There is a monument temple dedicated to the victims. The graves have all been excavated and the bones, from skulls to toe bones, are filled all the way up to the top of the temple. It was terrifying. I can't even fathom that this was less than 30 years ago!

People always say, "How could a loving God let this happen?"  God is sovereign in every aspect of anything and everything you could possibly imagine, from the smallest microorganisms, to the entire universe, but we forget that evil still has dominion on this earth. I can't  wait for the day when Christ returns and puts evil back where it belongs and we can all rejoice and praise our King in the New Heaven and New Earth. Our God is so good, and even though bad things happen, we must remember this. The fact that He would even think about having mercy on our sinful souls is enough, but more than that He sent His son, Jesus Christ to take on His wrath and our sin so that we may have a way to be with God, our Creator, Sustainer, Provider, and Savior. Yes, it is hard to think about these things, but we have to remember that there is HOPE and that hope comes from Jesus. I think about these things, and other hard questions I cannot answer, and wonder myself, but I do know that God has one perfect plan for all of His creation, and that even though bad things happen, He is still in control. It's easy to blame God and question His love for humanity when we witness such horror as genocide, but we must remember that God doesn't mess up. He never did and never will. I don't know why things such as these happen, and I can't answer that question for myself, but I do know that I believe in a loving and just God. God's justice is true. God's love is true. God's plan is flawless. He is the Sovereign One and nothing can separate us as believers from His love! I wish I could give an explanation as to why bad things happen if God loves His people, but the only thing I know is that His ways are so much higher than our ways, and that our minds cannot fathom the type of justice God has. Human justice is not equivalent with God's justice. And essentially since there is no human goodness, human goodness is not, never has been or ever will be, equivalent to God's goodness. We are purified in Him and can only lay at His feet in desperation for healing and cleansing from our sins. We NEED God. He does not need us. He loves us because He so chooses to love us, and we love Him because He so chooses to enable us to do so. None is righteous, no not one. He first loves us so that we can love. I'm not a Bible scholar, and I don't know all that much theology, but I can tell you this, I believe in the Holy, Living Word of God and I know that what it says is the ultimate truth and that NOTHING can stand against it. Truth is not relative, truth is the word. We can never fully understand God, we aren't meant to. Our brains are not made for that. If we were able to figure out exactly how and why God works, this would make us equal to Him, and we know that is NOT true. You cannot master the Master.

Today we were on a bus for about 8 hours up to Siem Reap where I fly out of tomorrow night. We went  to the markets and tomorrow we will go check out Angkor Wat, the most famous temples in Cambodia. I dread the plane ride back and I miss my family so, so, much. I also miss my "ch-ma" which is "cat" in Khmer haha. I have so much to do when I get back since school starts Monday. My brain is everywhere right now, but my heart is still with those smiling, angelic, faces at A Greater Hope Orphanage. I hope to return soon.

Love,

Laura

The last day

Today was my last day at the orphanage. It's felt really weird. I don't think I have yet comprehended that I am leaving, and I have definitely not comprehended that I start school in a week! I'm all ready and packed up to go. Ginny and I did laundry today, laid it out to dry, and then it started to rain. I tried to spend as much time with the kids today as possible. I gave the boys some awesome dinosaur and alien stickers and the girls some flower stickers. I brought some finger nail polish for them so the girls all had a good time painting each others nails. One thing that Cambodia is pretty known for is its skirts. You just buy the fabric and someone will make one for you. I bought some fabric and had my skirts finished today. They are so pretty and I am excited to show everyone when I get back!

Ginny and I went to the market today one last time and met some people from Australia and Germany. One is working with an organization and teaching english, where the other two have a little dance studio.  I am really hoping the children can participate in this! They will love it! We started talking, well, because I saw white people in the village and I also randomly asked them if they could help me understand some Khmer the lady selling me the bananas was saying. There have been a lot of different people in and out of the orphanage today. One girl I met, who is also Australian, and the first one I have ever met, is here doing mission work and is visiting different countries helping with church planting. Ream;s brother Rah also popped in today. He and Jessica are working together to help out the village by trying to plant wells, and maybe eventually toilets, and other shelters for the people. Open sewage leads to illness which leads to death, so if they have clean water and toilets, it will be such a benefit to them. Another missionary stopped by today, also from Australia, who works with a nonprofit that helps children with special needs. She had been before and was familiar with Soy. When we were in the market I bought these purple potatoes. They were really good and beautiful too.

I tried to take as many pictures as I could today of everything I might have missed. Tonight we had a dance party and the kids attempted to try and teach me their special Khmer dances....let's just say I have two left feet. The way the girls dance is so beautiful and poised. There are certain types of dances you do with certain songs. After that the kids watched a scary movie (they really like scary movies for some reason), and Jess and I decided to try and scare them. We waited for a suspenseful part and then banged on the doors and opened them. They all screamed and we all laughed! It was so funny. I am going to miss them all so much.

Chantrea, who I have grown pretty close to, gave me a present today. It was a little book with the story of the Wizard of Oz, and some plastic butterfly clip on earrings. I know that these were her personal items that she was giving me, so it meant so much! I think its cute how she gave me a book because she knows I like to read to them. I am going to miss reading to them. I love doing that. Sedong, a worker at the orphanage made me a ring with a flower on it. She left today to be with her husband for a few days and I didn't get to say goodbye to her. I grew pretty close to her. She speaks english very well and we got to talk a lot.

The kindergarten teacher for the school lives here at the orphanage and came back today. I was able to help her with a few little crafty things for her classroom. It was really fun and I was exactly in my element.

It is going to be so weird not waking up to laughter outside my window every morning at 5:30am. I am going to miss these kids like crazy! I do want to come back, I just don't know when and I don't know what God has planned, but whatever it is, I will follow Him.

In the morning we are headed to Phnom Phen and then Siem Reap where my plane flies out. I will try to update on our adventures to the Killing Fields and Angkor Wat, but I may not be able to.

It is such a bittersweet time. I do miss my family and friends, but I also don't want to leave. I feel like I just got here. I feel like I was just getting into the swing of things, and now I have to go. All the kids are like, "no go, Lah-rah." I keep telling them I have to go back to "study" and go to school to be a teacher. They keep asking if I'll come back. I won't give them a definite answer because obviously I don't want to disappoint them if I am unable to return. When I do though, I want to bring some people with me, so if your interested let me know! :)

Blessings,

Laura

P.S. Thank you for your prayers throughout all of this. Please continue to pray for safe travels.

the fight, the fun, and what's to come

What a day! Today has probably been my favorite day out of my whole stay. We had a little Bible study with Ream and the other staff this morning which I appreciate. I then worked on a few things I am typing up for the new pre-k. Then, after lunch, we decided it was time to pull our prank! Ginny and I filled up almost 100 water balloons! We tricked the kids into thinking that they were all going to have a big group picture taken, but when Jessica counted to three, Ginny and I pelted them with water balloons from the balcony! We got them good! They had no idea! Little did we know they had their own set of water balloons! They all ran up to their rooms and got their balloons and filled them up. It was full on war at this point! No one was safe and we all ended up soaking wet! It escalated quickly. At first, it was just balloons, next came the hose, then came cups of water, then came full on buckets of water doused over our heads! This all went on for a good hour or so. We all had such a fun time just goofing off and playing around. We were all sopping wet by the end!

After the water fight fiasco, things calmed down as we all changed into dry clothes and the kids started working on their chores. Meanwhile, I went up to the girls room and was hanging out with them. I love doing this! They are so special and precious to me! We goofed around, sang some songs, danced, talked, and made plans for a "girls night" tomorrow night where we can paint toenails! I brought them some new polish so they are very excited about this! We all ate dinner and then played around some more. Saturdays are their free days so we have extra down time with them. Some of the kids were dancing and singing, we all decided to join in while others were coloring. Instead of movie night, we watched a slideshow of pictures from the trip and other recent times. The kids all cracked up at some of the pictures!

Tomorrow is my last day and I am devastated. It all came and went so quickly. I have no idea how I am going to leave this kids. It is going to be heart wrenching. I hate goodbyes. Hopefully I'll be able to come back. I most certainly would like to but I don't know what the future holds. The kids gave me a bracelet today that spells out "we love laura" I almost cried when they gave it to me. I am bringing some of their bracelets back with me to sell for them. I am so excited about this!

Monday we will travel to Phnom Phen and on the way go to the genocide museum and Toul Sleng, a former high school used for a torture prison. I am interested in learning more at witnessing first hand, but I am also dreading this at the same time. I get a pit in my stomach just talking about it with some people, especially those affected by it. We will then go to Siem Reap where my flight will leave out and go see Angkor Wat. I am looking forward to all of this, but I don't think I will be able to truly enjoy myself because I'll be thinking about all of the warm faces and unashamed bear hugs I am leaving behind.

There's still so much I could say, but I will leave it at that. Thank you for the prayers, that change my life.

Blessings,

Laura

Pies, Pranks, and Praise

Today was a good day. It was my last day teaching so I am kind of sad about that. I had the older kids write a short paragraph about their time on the trip and as usual, I read them a story book. I did a simple, little activity with pie today since we were reading a book about the "Blueberry Pie Elf." We just took some votes on who likes which pies, tallied them up, added them, and wrote a sentenced about each type of pie. They didn't really understand the concept of voting only once, so we had a lot of people who like lots of different kinds of pies. It was a fun day. I always love getting the little kids to be interactive when we read. We have been reading a lot of books about animals, so every time I would read the word they would make an animal noise. Today, every time I read the word "pie" they all said in unison "mmmm." It was a fun day. There is so much I wish I could do with them that I think they would benefit from such as moving some to the older group and making smaller groups based on levels where each child would receive better helped based on their needs. It amazes me how smart these children are! I will really miss teaching them. I think that it has been my favorite part. Kit was telling me they are adding a pre-k to their school and asked if I could maybe write up a few suggestions for curriculum and ideas. I am excited about this, and I hope that I can help them out a little bit. I am glad that I have had such amazing professors who have prepared me so well. There are so many little things I remember them saying that have become very true and important. I am thankful to be receiving a  superb education and to have the opportunity to be able to do what I enjoy. Education is so different here. It makes me angry. These children are so smart! They just need a chance! Tomorrow we are going to the high school. It will be interesting to see how it differs from A Heart for Wisdom.

 A few of the kids that went to a Christian camp got back today so it was good to see them. They didn't get to go on the trip with us, but I know they all had a lot of fun at camp. They told me that they had "very, very fun."  One sweet girl, Wut, was telling me that  before she went to camp she wasn't sure if she put her trust in God, but that now she is sure because she said she found the Holy Spirit and that He is in her heart and that she felt Him and cried. When she told me this, I almost cried! It is so amazing to see new believers being affirmed in their faith.

After dinner tonight, we played around and some of the kids taught us this awesome little hand clapping game/ rhythm chant. It took me forever to get it, but I finally did. I tried to teach them one that I knew, but they said, "too long," so we moved on to a different hand game. Ginny and I were going to try to attempt to teach them the game "Ninja," which has become popular among the sub-christian culture haha. It seems like every youth group or college ministry play this game when there is time to wait around or just hanging out. I think its kind of funny. Its a really fun game, but the kids just wanted to beat each other up without the structure, so we did that instead haha. Friday nights are movie nights and they really enjoy them. I passed out some pixie stix candy to them during the movie. Some of them knew how to eat it, while others didn't know what I was giving them haha.

This afternoon, the little icecream man came by. The kids always get ice cream when he comes. He certainly knows where to come for good business. Alissa decided to treat almost everyone at the orphanage with some delicious icecream. It was the first time I had tasted it. It was very good! It had a coconut type taste to it. Some of the kids get "ice cream sandwiches." In the states, when we think of an ice cream sandwich, we picture vanilla ice cream in between two thin chocolate cookie rectangles. But, here in Cambodia, they take the whole "sandwich" thing a little to literally and actually put scoops of ice cream into what looks like sub sandwich bread. I thought that was really funny.

 I  may have mentioned this before, but there is a boy who lives near the orphanage who always comes to play with the kids; his name is Soy. Soy is estimated to be about 20 years old. He is deaf and basically has no way of communicating with anyone besides groans and generic gestures. I am sure there are other disabilities present as well. Because he is deaf, and because traffic in the village is terrible, he has been hit by several cars and is missing all of his front teeth. He came by the orphanage to play today, as usual, and also indulged in some ice cream with us. It amazes me how the AGHO kids embrace him and treat him so kindly and like to play with him. Soy has such a beautiful spirit. He is always goofing around and dancing, laughing, smiling, and doing silly tricks. There is just something about Soy that touches my heart and that I can't let go of. I try to communicate with him as best as possible, and I can actually pretty much understand what he trying to get across. I wish I could talk to him and help him. It would be so amazing for him to learn actual sign language.This truly would change his life. I love Soy very much and he has such a special place in my heart.

Tomorrow, we girls are going to try and play a prank on the kids! We have been brainstorming a few ideas. We have decided to pelt them with water balloons, and also tie their doors together so they can't get out! Then, we will fill the staircase with cups of water so they will have to drink their way down the stairs! Hopefully it will all turn out to be a good laugh.

Last night I was able to do bible study with the kids for the last time. Since we had just gotten back from seeing such beautiful things on our trip, I talked to the kids about creation. Jessica was originally going to do the Bible study and was actually going to talk about the same thing. It's funny how God works sometimes.

I am going to miss these kids so much. They are so silly and happy and easy going. I love them all. They are all such brave little warriors.

I noticed that I have only been putting positive things on my blog, and I was convicted last night while reading 2 Timothy that I need to be more honest. Though I talk about all of the fun things and happy times, I will say this is not easy for me. It is hard witnessing the poverty. It is hard being in such a different place and not knowing what people are saying about you or to you. I don't want anyone to be fooled into thinking that this has been an easy journey or that I am just the perfect missionary who is
unshakable, because that is not the case at all. I have been experiencing so many different emotions that I am still not sure how to deal with. I am in conflict about what my future holds with Cambodia. I've been tired and I've been sick to my stomach almost this whole time. I am homesick and still getting over my fears daily. It is hard to murder your flesh here when you are so used to things being a certain way your whole life. I have been trying to not let my fleshly desires take over my thoughts, but sometimes they creep up; especially when I just want some American food haha. I am not saying any of this to say I am not having a good time. In fact, I am having the time of my life. I am learning so much. It is just that I wanted to be real and let people know that dying to yourself on a daily basis is SO hard. It's hard when I'm home, and even harder here. I have feelings of inadequacy and doubt that I am not doing enough or not reaching the kids the way I should be, but in the end, all I know is that this is what God told me to do and I followed in obedience to Him. This is what God tells all of us to do. To show His love and spread the Gospel to all the nations, whatever that may mean for each person. I hope I don't sound like I am whining, I just want to show everyone the realness of it all and I am not afraid to do that. I had no idea what would happen going into this, but I can definitely say, I have been filled with overwhelming joy, urgency, and hope. My eyes and my heart have been opened to something so much bigger than myself, and I cannot wait to see what God reveals next!

Please continue to pray. I love you all so much and I am so thankful for you!

Blessings,

Laura

Waves of mercy

Well, we just got back from the beach and we are all worn out! We all had a great time! It was so touching to see the kids get so excited, some of them having never been to the beach. They would literally play in the waves all day long. I am glad that they were all able to enjoy themselves. We girls were all able to donate a little bit to help make the trip possible and I am so glad that we were able to share this experience with them!

On Monday, we all woke up packed and ready to go. We walked out to the road where a large bus was waiting for us. It was similar to a charter bus, but Cambodian style and no bathroom. We were on our way when the bus decided to break down a few times, but we eventually made it. The trip down to the shore was something else! Most of the roads we took were narrow dirt roads. It was the bumpiest ride I have ever been on. I kind of enjoyed it though cause I felt like I was on a roller coaster some what haha! The bus was a stick shift which really surprised me, not that I know anything about buses. The kids had a great time on the ride down eating lots of candy that Kit had gotten for them. I tried some of their stuff and it was pretty good. Poor Ream was sick on the bus, and several other children got sick as well. It seems maybe they are not used to riding in moving vehicles that much, and especially a bus. I felt so bad for them, but when we stopped they all perked up.

We had to take a boat over to a little island called Rabbit Island. I don't know why they call it that; there are zero rabbits there. The boat ride was very interesting. There were several small wooden boats painted green and orange. We had to step down off of this big platform onto the boat. I got really scared because there was a high chance I was going to fall in! Even if I would have, it wouldn't have mattered since we got completely SOAKED on the boat ride to the island. None of us were really expecting this. The water was very choppy and the waves were pretty high. In combination with a small boat full of kids, and we think a humorous driver, it lead to us being splashed and rocking all over the place. We really had fun with it! We all put our hands up and were screaming and laughing. Even though we were getting wet, along with all of our luggage, it was definitely worth it. The kids loved it, and honestly, so did I.

Upon arriving at the island, we jumped off the boat into knee deep water to see only a small house on a little beach. We were a little confused at exactly how this was going to work. Then after a few pondering questions, we figured out our huts were on the other side of the island. We headed down a trial for about a good 20 minute walk with all of our luggage and supplies. I swear to you, it felt like we were on the show Lost haha! We finally got to our huts and settled in. There were many huts made of straw, wood, and bamboo. Each had a one bed with a mosquito net, a bathroom with a very strange toilet and shower situation, and a porch with some hammocks. The huts were pretty much see through and allowed for much air to come through everywhere. The wind was constantly blowing because we were very close to the shore. This was very much a relief since it tends to get really hot. There were palm trees everywhere and flowers and plants you couldn't imagine. Coconut trees were about every three feet and their were lots of chickens, dogs, and cats running around everywhere ( actually its pretty much like that everywhere in Cambodia no matter where you go). There were lots of little straw platforms that you could sit and lay on that were near the shore. The waves were nothing like I had seen before. They were HUGE and very powerful. The water wasn't clear like I thought it was going to be, but in the end it didn't matter. Each night the kids ate their normal Khmer style dinners while Kit, Ream, their boys, and us four girls, had other meals prepared for us at a little outdoor hut restaurant I guess you could call it. The choices were all Khmer except for a few things like cokes, french fries (which still tasted a little sweet, esp. the ketchup), and Cambodia's specialty, iced coffees. The joke is that you have to drink them fast before the ice melts though because there is no telling what is in that water! The coffees are made with condensed milk so they are very, very sweet. I had one and really liked it. Each night we would eat a Khmer dish that consisted of sometimes noodles with vegetables, beef, fried rice, chicken, and the Sam and Joe's favorite, "chocolate pancakes." These were actually just a thin flapjack with some nutella spread between the middle, but were pretty tasty. I think Sam and Joe pretty much only ate chocolate pancakes the entire time for every meal! It was so cute!

The kids were fascinated by the ocean. Most of them cannot swim, so we bought them all life jackets. These life jackets probably couldn't have saved their lives though because they were not very well made, but it was the best thing we could find at the little store on the mainland. They all raced to the water and jumped in head first! It was hilarious and so joyful to see all of their reactions! They would wake up, get in the water first thing, eat lunch, nap, get back in the water, dinner, and then back in the water! One of the helpers at the orphanage, Siem, had never been to the beach before herself, so this was her first time. Watching her enjoy the waves and splash around with such joy almost brought tears to my eyes. She was SO happy, and you could tell! All of the kids kept saying, "we want to live here!" The kids were constantly laughing and playing and being knocked over by the waves. They all loved it.

Not only did they enjoy the beach, but there were trails all over the island that would lead to little hidden sections of shoreline where there were beautiful rocks, shells, and crystal clear water . But, even though the beach was beautiful, it too, like the rest of Cambodia was just covered with garbage everywhere. The kids all made fishing poles out of bamboo and tried to go fishing....didn't really work out too well for them, so they moved on to crab hunting! There were so many crabs! The boys were really good at catching them! I was amazed at how fast those little guys can go, but the boys always managed to trap them somehow! Not only were there crabs, there was lots of wildlife! The kids came across snails (known as periwinkles), huge jelly fish, a sea cucumber and two sea urchins! We also encountered several large lizards, and a huge spider, along with some snakes. Not only was the wildlife awesome, but the seashells were unbelievable! They are pink and purple, big and small, shiny and striped, everything you can imagine! We all spent hours searching for the prettiest ones to bring back.

The trails were really cool and you never really knew where they would take you. A few of us would always venture off, but I would always get left behind because of what Ginny refers to as "pondering" haha! I just can't help it though! There were so many new things, I just had to take it all in and go off the paths just a little to see some of the most beautiful sights I had ever laid eyes on. I don't think there was one thing that I didn't take a picture of! I really don't mind wandering through the woods, or jungle I guess in this case, by myself because it gave me so much time to reflect on God's beautiful creation and let my cup of satisfaction be filled with His presence again and again to pour out to these children. In the process of taking these trails it did require to tread through the water a little bit, this was fun at first, but took a bad turn when I lost my flip flop in the water!  Its funny because this island eats shoes like a dryer eats socks! There are single sandals and flip flops pretty much everywhere. This wasn't very pleasant because the ocean floor was sooo incredibly rocky! I ended up getting a few cuts, but it was no big deal. We were all trying to hike our way around the whole island that day and after loosing my shoe I decided it may be easier to get back on the trail. I proceeded to take trail back to the starting place but ended up venturing even further off it seemed like. I was praying that the Lord would provide me with a shoe, and he most certainly did....after about thirty minutes. It was the right foot, just the one I needed. The kids have been laughing at me because my shoes don't match haha! One sweet girl even offered me her shoes to wear. It amazes me how selfless these kids can be. They always go barefoot...I don't see how they do it! They are always offering to give me something, give up a chair, carry something, you name it! I never expected this. They are so polite and I love them all. The boys I can tell are growing up to be godly men. They are wonderful.

While the kids were swimming in the water all day, we four girls got some time to hang out which was good. We even all got to get massages for only 5 dollars! These massages are another thing Cambodia is famous for; you can find them in the  city pretty much anywhere. They were under this little hut type structure made of bamboo and leaves like the others. I had never had a real massage before so I was a little apprehensive....it was enjoyable, but  I kind of felt like she was beating me up! Unfortunately, most of these famous massages that are offered everywhere, are not just a good back rub, but are involved in sinister acts that these poor women are trapped into doing. These poor women are forced into prostitution as slaves and are victims of human trafficking. This makes me really angry. One of the girls at the orphanage has a story similar to this but she was too young for them to use her; however her mother was involved.

 Each night there was something fun planned. One night we roasted marshmallows on the beach. I gave them all glow sticks as well which they all proceeded to turn into swords. One or two glow sticks ended up in the ocean, but they were lucky because the waves washed them back to shore. On the last night, we all had a big feast of shrimp and crabs with rice. The kids were thrilled! It was truly a treat for them. By the end of the trip we were all exhausted and sunburned, even the kids. I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in several days. I didn't realize how sunburned I got as well!

The weather was pretty much perfect the whole three days but now as we are back at the orphanage the monsoon seasons is living up to its name. Never in my life have I seen rain like this before. Not even when there are threats of tornadoes. It doesn't last long but it is truly something else.

It will be good to get back into routine with the kids. I only have until Monday, so pray I can make it count. I love these children so much and I feel I have formed relationships with them. It is going to kill me to leave, but I have a feeling I will probably be back. In fact, while at the beach, the Lord really laid on my heart to try and get a team up to come maybe next summer. Who knows? Time will tell, and His timing is perfect.

Love,

Laura

The mountain, the bugs, the boat, the beach

One of the helpers at the orphanage was taking us to her home. Two of the kids went with us, Chenley and Tate. We all piled into a tuk-tuk and headed to the mountain. I had no idea what to expect. I didn't even really know where we were going or what we were doing. We got to the mountain and there was a bug sign that said Phnom Chiso which means Chiso Mountain. There were little Buddah idols and places to give offerings every 3 feet it felt like. We then started the climb. This was not like a hike, more like a long climb up a steep large staircase. It took us about 30 minutes to get to the top, but I was definitely worn out. There was a big temple where the monks stayed and little places to pray to Buddah everywhere. We saw a bunch of people, including a monk or two chopping at these rocks- still not really sure why they were doing that. Every corner you would turn there would be a large dog house like structure with a big statue in it, followed by various burning incense and other things people had laid at the alter called a pagoda. Some of the statues were of Buddah while others were other gods I am assuming. Just looking into the face of one of those statues gave me an overwhelming feeling of the presence of evil. We then went a little farther at the top of the mountain to see some ancient ruins of a temple supposedly older than Angkor Wat. Tate, one of the kids who accompanied us was climbing over everything while the rest of us girls tried to be more careful. The view was amazing and breath taking!

When we went into the ruins there were more little pagodas where you could worship the gods. Some were large and some were small. It blows my mind to think that people walk all the way up this mountain just to pray to these demonic statues. There was some kind of fire smoking around the ruins out of a black pot, I don't know really what this was, but the smell was sickening to me. We explored the ruins and took a few pictures. There were a few cats roaming around and also a huge centipede, about 6 inches long and poisonous. We also saw a hug millipede about the same length. These are the type of bugs you see on Fear Factor that they try to get people to touch. 

Speaking of large insects, we had our first encounter with one the night before we went to the mountain. Ginny came out of the bathroom and told us she saw a scorpion. Now, we have little scorpions in Alabama and I have seen my share so I didn't think it was a big deal. Ginny had closed the bathroom door. I went over to the door and was talking to Jessica about trying to get a picture when I heard this scratching noise. I thought surely that can't be the scorpion. I opened the wooden bathroom door and there it was. It was about 6 inches long with a huge stinger and two huge pincers in the front. This was NOT your average scorpion. This was a mutant, giant, alien scorpion! As soon as I opened the door it came running out of the bathroom toward us. Being the girls that we are, we all four screamed and ran into our room. We never found it until later when it came out from under the sink. One of the boys caught it, proceeded to remove its stinger and began playing with it while at the same time taunting us and threatening to throw it on us! It was quite a hilarious and chilling experience.

After we got off the mountain, we went to Sali's house. They live in a house that is sort of like a hut on stilts. They have a farm and considered pretty comfortable for Cambodia. They served us a meal that was very delicious. We got to try a ton of new odd fruits as well. Most of them were very good. I wish I knew the names of them. After lunch, we rested,  (which is custom here) and they decided to take us out on their "boat." They live beside this huge pond covered in grass and lily pads, water lilies, and all sorts of plant life. You wouldn't think there was any water unless you were told. The boat they took each of us in was a hollowed out log. It was a very interesting experience. The boat was very, very, wobbly and I felt like I was going to tip over any second the entire time. There were lots of edible things in the pond such as these water lilly type fruits and the stems. I tried the fruit, it tasted like pumpkin to me. At Sali's house we got to know her family a little bit and had a really good time. Sali showed us how they make scarves with this huge wooden machine that they "sew" thread by thread. It is amazing and the fabrics are georgeous! Sali's family gave us a present to take back to the orphanage with us. It was these thin, folded, cookies in the shape of a taco that had a fortune cookie like texture. They were SO good! Very light and vanilla flavored. We really enjoyed them and still have some left. Since Sali is about to leave the orphanage because they are sending her to college to be a teacher, she will soon have a replacement, and we went and visited her on the way back to the orphanage. She had a spinning wheel which was pretty cool and taught us how to use it. As we were going through the different villages, there were so many, many, children. I can't help but hope that they get a second chance like these kids have.

This morning we went to church. It was all in Khmer so we didn't understand it, but it was cool. After church we went to the market to buy some more fruit and get some fabrics. Cambodia is famous for its gorgeous skirts they make. You can buy the fabric and someone in the village will custom make it to your size just for you. The fabric is only 3 U.S. dollars. They sell nice scarves here too. We got to wash our clothes by hand today which was pretty interesting. Ginny and I had a good time kind of goofing off. Wut, one of the girls, showed us how to properly do it. I told her that I bet our clothes are cleaner washing them by hand then when we put them in a machine! We hung them out on the clothes line to dry.

It's so fun playing with the kids! I love them all so much! They bring such joy to my heart! The girls have given me so many bracelets that they have made and a headband. These crafts are exquisite! They are all so talented! I told them how I sell earrings and that if they wanted, I could sell their bracelets and give them the money. I hope they decide to do this! The U.S. dollar goes pretty far here and it could really give the girls a lot of money.

Tomorrow we will be going to take the kids to the beach. I am pretty excited about this! The kids are too! This is such a special treat for them and I am so excited that I am able to be a part of it. We are going to a little island. Kit was showing us pictures of it today and there is so much wild life there! I am really excited to see some more different creatures! We will be staying in little huts, which should be pretty interesting. Each of us is staying with two of the little girls. I am staying with Chantrea and Vannack. They are both so sweet.

I love going up to the girls room at night and just being silly with them. They all bring so much joy to my heart. I love the way they say my name! I don't know how to spell it out phonetically, but it is pretty awesome. I love learning new little Khmer words from them like how to say beautiful. It is said like suh-ant with a particular accent on the ant. I always tell the girls how pretty they are and most of them deny it. This worries me and hurts my heart. I hate that they think that. Here in Cambodia, there is no regulation on products. For example there is this "whitening cream" that is basically made of acid that girls put on their skin to be whiter because it is considered pretty. I wish these girls could see how beautiful they are!

Thing are going pretty well. Been a little sick to my stomach the past two days, so please pray that gets better, it really is no fun. To be honest, and I am not one to hide or sugar coat things, I have been feeling very discouraged the past two days. I don't really know why, but I know that the enemy is slowly trying to creep in. Please pray that I can fight against this with Truth. It was funny because in Ephesians where it talks about the armor of God, has been brought up a lot for me lately, and that is the passage the pastor preached on today at the Khmer church. I thought that was pretty cool.

I won't be able to update my blog for a few days, so please keep praying and stay tuned!

Blessings,

Laura

Chantrea

                                   This is sweet Chantrea. She is ALWAYS singing!

I must decrease...

Today has been a pretty relaxed day. I woke up taught Sam, taught the older english class,and taught the younger english class. I truly enjoy teaching these kids. They are so eager to learn. Today when I was talking to Ream, she was telling me about how the older kids can read and write english, but its conversational language that they struggle with. So, in light of this, which I probably should have figured out on my own, I decided to have them do some reading aloud and talking aloud. After they took turns reading a book about a dinosaur, I asked them to make up their own stories and tell it to the class. There are only about 8 in there, so there is really no pressure. They were nervous at first, hesitant, and kept saying they couldn't do it. I didn't let them slide though because I knew that they were capable of this that they just needed someone to tell them that they could do it. I gave them an example story I made up about a girl who climbed up in a tree. Then it was their turn. To hear the stories they made up were heartbreaking because it reflected so much of their real lives. Almost all of the stories included poverty.

The stories went like this:

One day I went to the market with my friend. We saw a shirt that we wanted to buy. The shirt was too expensive so we were sad. Then, a man came up to us and gave us some money. We were excited and bought the shirt and told the man thank you.

One time I went fishing and I caught a golden fish. He said he would give me anything I wanted. I told him I wanted a new house because my family is poor. The fish said he would give it to me. I went home to my wife and saw the new house and we were happy.

I woke up and went to the market. I saw a chicken cross the street. A car crashed into the chicken and it died.

One day I went to the market to buy something I wanted. I crossed the street and got hit by a car and died. Then the angels came and took me up to heaven where I lived forever and ever.

One time there was a boy who wanted to go to the city because he had never been to the city. He could not go because he was poor. Then he found some money on the ground and he was able to go to the city and buy things he wanted and eat pizza. 

Other stories included talking animals, but all included going to the city and eating pizza. I am assuming pizza is a rare thing for them and that they really enjoy it. Maybe us girls can pitch in and buy a few pizzas for them or buy ingredients to make a pizza. It's just a thought.

The younger kids LOVE being read to. I have probably read almost 7-8 picture books today. I think it is so awesome that they have this longing. It is so important for them if they are going to learn english.

This morning when I was talking to Ream she was telling me a little bit about her family and how luckily only a few of them were murdered in the Khmer Rouge genocide. Kit gave us a lot of books about some of the history with survivor stories in them. It is nauseating to read. I can't fathom that this only happened less than a few decades ago. People are so educated about the Holocaust, but there are so many other tragic genocides that have taken place that people are so unaware of. In fact, I didn't have a clue about the Khmer Rouge until my mom told me about it a few years ago when she was talking about our neighbors. Everyone still living today here has been affected some way or another. It is heartbreaking. At some point we will go to the genocide museum and visit the killing fields. As interested as I am in learning about it, I am also dreading it at the same time.

Tomorrow we are going up to "the mountain" where there are some ancient ruins that are even older than Angkor Wat. One of the orphanage staff's family lives up there and we are going to visit her family. A few of the kids are going with us. I have no idea what this will entail, but I am up for an adventure.

Jessica and Ginny came back from the market yesterday and had some fried bananas I tried. Wow. So delicious. The food here is very good. I have yet to venture into anything that may seem risky but I am working my way there. The children are always coming back from the market with these strange fruits. I try them and they are all SO incredibly sour! There is this little bitty green grape like fruit that tastes so bitter and sour it could burn your tongue! There was one fruit I tried, not sure what it's called, but it was a mixture between a grapefruit and an orange. Best thing I've ever tasted. Cambodians also use the chili sugar/salt stuff, but it was way too spicy for my liking.

Visiting the school and seeing all the needs for improvement and hearing Kit and Ream talk about and dream of the things they want to accomplish only gives me an even deeper desire to look into maybe coming to teach here. It is very easy to talk about, and say, oh, I want to do this, but now that I am here and see the realities of it all and the challenges I will face, it makes me doubt so much. Not doubt because I feel like the Lord is saying no, but doubt because I don't know if I can do this. And, I know it doesn't depend on me. Nothing depends on me. I guess its more of a dread and fear than doubt. I think to myself, Laura can you really handle this? This would be your home. This would be where you lived, where you bought groceries, where you worked. These people would be your community, your neighbors, your friends. Do you really want to do this? Every time we leave the orphanage these thoughts go through my mind. I know its not about what I want and the gospel doesn't call for me to follow my own desires and live an easy non- sacrificial life, but when you have that option, of living in the states with a comfortable job, comfortable house, comfortable family, and comfortable church it is hard to turn down. I don't know what's going to happen. I really don't. But, I do know that my God is a sovereign God and He has a brilliant plan for my life that will be for my good and His glory, whatever that may mean.

I am trying not to think about all of this or worry about the future and just enjoy my time here, but for some reason I can't help but think of what my future will with Cambodia and AGHO. I know when the Lord revealed to me to go that I felt this would only be the beginning. I am starting to doubt that, but in reality, I think I am just trying to convince myself that I can still just live the little happy American dream and be comfortable while still living out the gospel. I know that He calls us to lay down our life for the sake of the gospel and to count it all as lost and that this momentary affliction is nothing compared to the eternal glory we will have in Heaven, but it still doesn't mean I don't have a fleshly struggle. How much am I willing to do? How far am I willing to go? I know that the love God has for me does not change no matter if I am doing missions in a foreign country, or doing mission right in my own back yard, but I do know that He gave His life, and He calls us to do the same.

"For whoever would save his life will loose it but whoever looses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 16:25

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

Rain, school, and new shoes

Woke up yesterday to some clouds that eventually ended with some heavy rain. It made it really humid. I taught Sam, Kit and Ream's son, the older english class, and the youngest english class. I was not sure how much english the older kids knew, but I was shocked at their abilities. I am going to start reading to both classes everyday. It is so important that they are read to so they can hear what english (or southern english ;) ) sounds like. Since I don't necessarily have any lesson plans or curriculum, it can be difficult to come up with things that will be on their level but also will challenge them. I am amazed at how much the older kids know. They are so bright! Since most of the younger kids don't know much english, it is hard to sometimes keep them quiet or give them instructions on what I want them to do. I am trying to do things in a pattern so they can know what to expect. I am going to try to learn some phrases in Khmer that will help me keep their attention. 

Kit brought us to the school today. The school was originally just a church, but now it functions as a school as well. He showed us all the classrooms. There are about 5. They have about 15 desks to a room. The rooms are medium size and have a few posters on the wall, but other than that there are no other resources for the students. Not only do the orphanage kids up to 6th grade go to the school, but kids (who can afford $6 a month) from the village attend as well. Kit and Ream are trying to add upper grades to the school because it only goes to 6th grade right now. The school has only been open for about a year. They will be building another building this month to add to the school. The high school age kids have to go to public school and they hate it. As I've mentioned, the public school system is so corrupt and the students learn nothing. It amazes me how much these kids want to learn. Children in the United States hate school, but these kids love learning, so much so that they study a few hours a day even on their summer vacation.

I'm getting to know the children better and better each day and can see their individual personalities coming out. Some of them are very outgoing and love to play and interact, especially the ones who know english pretty well, whereas others are very shy and tend to stay at a distance. The smallest child is named Nyatt. She is so precious. I am trying to get to know her, but she keeps her distance. It makes me wonder why. I am getting better and better with the names- of the girls atleast. I can pretty much name them all, whereas the boys I am still having a little trouble. I am still working on that.

The boys got soccer cleats and jerseys from Alissa. They love playing soccer and normally play barefoot but don't have to anymore. They were thrilled! It was so joyful seeing them be so excited over this. Alissa told me later that night that one of the children came up to her and asked her again how long she was staying, the girl then proceeded to say with excitement that they could have the shoes for 3 months. They didn't understand that they were getting to keep the shoes. They were estatic when they found out. They also got jersey to wear which they were super excited about.

Last night I went up to the little girls room to give them some gifts of chap stick and hair barrettes. They were so excited and grateful. I still have a few more things for them that I can’t wait to give to them.

Just a glimpse.

                                                 This is Chennda. She is an angel.

                                         Lady I bought some bananas from in the village market.

                                                          The market in the village.

                                                       Some special fish on a stick.

                                                               The beautiful rice fields.

                                          This is where the animals are kept and tended to.

                                                     Ream with some of the girls.

                                      It's amazing to see all of the silly games they come up with.

                                        This is Chantria and Lisahn. Lisahn is Mao's daughter.

                                         The little girls kept putting all these flowers in my hair.

                                                                Sweet, Chennda.

                                                         This is Weed. He is awesome.

I have many more pictures to come!