I am so ready to just be in Cambodia with those precious little angels!!!! There is nothing in my heart that I desire more! I am pretty much all packed up and ready to go. I purchased my last needs Monday and just need to pack a few more things.
Sunday night was tough. There were so many emotions going through my head. One minute I was rejoicing, the other minute I was face down on the ground. I felt really spiritually attacked again. This is probably the worst I've felt it. It is a little hard to talk about, but I feel like I need to share this to be honest about this whole experience. I was tossing and turning trying to go to sleep and had been in prayer moments before that when I had some very disturbing images come into my head and I heard a voice tell me, "I own you." Never have I experienced anything like this before and I hope not to again. I knew that this wasn't from the Lord. I immediately called out to Christ and said, "I rebuke this in the name of Jesus Christ." For some reason though, I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared at all actually. I guess, just because I know that that isn't true. Christ is the owner of my soul and He is the one who has given me life and NOTHING can separate me from His love, nor heights, nor depths, nor angels, nor rulers, nor anything in all creation!!! I praise the Lord for the strength He gave me to call upon Him during that moment. He is faithful and will deliver us from harm.
I have been given such a peace in my heart tonight. I was able to skype with Kit, the dad of the orphanage,and was able to meet Ream, the orphanage mom, and actually got to meet one of their sons Jo. He told me that he was six and just had a birthday. SO precious! It was very relieving to hear some of the things Kit was telling me. I do feel like I am ready. Yes, still a little nervous, but mostly excited at this point. I don't think I'm gonna even be able to sleep for the next few nights I'm so excited.
The Lord often communicates with me through scripture in the form of themes. Lately, its been, "abide in me." I feel Him tell me this multiple times, even daily it seems. I am slowly learning what it truly means to abide in my Savior. It isn't easy being disciplined by the Lord, but it is so worth it!
I went out and bought some little trinkets for the kids, stickers, hair stuff, lip gloss, glow sticks, candy, beach balls, ect. and I can't wait to play with them! Sometimes its hard for me to set aside, "teacher mode" and just let kids be kids. I am learning how to turn this on and off though. It just seems that at school we are so immersed in what to do and what not to do, and how to manage this, and what is the appropriate way to handle this, that I sometimes forget to not worry about that, and just be silly and have fun! I pray the Lord gives me the ability to have a free spirit while there, and that my disciplinary tendencies will go out the window. I want to be their friend, and I am able to do that in this situation, whereas in a classroom, I am not. I think it will be easier because I won't be the one in charge, therefore, I won't feel the pressure to make sure everything is in order, and I don't want it to be. I want to grow from this! I want the Lord to push me and test me in ways I haven't been before. Though I am easily flexible, I am also a planner, and I am infamous among my friends( who often tease me) for my hourly schedules I make on an almost daily basis. I want to be stretched in ways that I never have been before, spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I know this won't be easy, but I want to be pruned by the Spirit and become more Christ like through this experience.
Ahhhh!!! I can't wait to see all that the Lord is going to do! I pray that He can use me as a vessel in any way He wants! I can' tell you how right this feels. Everything just feels like it is the way it is supposed to be. I hope this peace the Lord has given me will be something I can hold on to.
None of this would even be possible if it weren't for so many loving people. I cannot thank everyone enough for all that you have done for me! I have been SO incredibly blessed and the Lord has provided abundantly. I know that I am being prayed for, and I can feel it. I don't know what I would do without the Body of Christ supporting me. God has surrounded me with such loving people that are overflowing with an out-pour of His, love, grace, and mercy and I am so thankful for that. There is nothing in my life that has meant more to me than this and I am still overwhelmed by what the Lord has done and is doing. It all seems just too hard to believe and too good to be true. But, that's the thing about our God, He is the ultimate good, the ultimate perfection. He made the ultimate sacrifice so that we can have ultimate freedom in Him!
Praise the Lord! God's good y'all!
-Laura
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