Trusting the Lord

I have rewritten this blog post many many times tonight. For some reason, I just can't seem to get things right. Thank goodness none of it depends on me. Thank goodness that nothing depends on how much I do for God, but what He has DONE for me. I tend to forget this.

Wednesday night a group of dear friends at church laid hands on me and prayed for me and this mission. I am so thankful for their council, prayer, and support in all of this. It truly does make a difference.


Right now, I am very fearful. I am fearful I won't get to go to Cambodia because I don't have enough money. I keep telling myself that God is bigger than money and that nothing can interfere with His will for my life. But, then I start to think...what if it's God's will for me not to go to Cambodia yet? I get angry at the thought of this and frustrated. I want to go! Lord, why would you tell me to go to only make me wait even longer? I know that the Lord's timing is perfect. Everytime I remind myself of that I alwasy think back to the verse in Romans where it says that "at the RIGHT TIME, Christ died for the ungodly." I mean, if God can appoint the correct time for His own son to die a horrible death on a crossto take His wrath towards sinners so that we may even have a hope to be with Him one day, then I am pretty darn sure everything else is in His perfect timing as well. But, right now its just hard to wait! That is always what the Lord is telling me though..."wait and see what I will do."

I don't know why I have been able to trust the Lord with so many other things in my life, but when it comes to this, I have had the most trouble out of anything that has ever occurred in my life. Normally, I would never question the Lord's will for my life. I would never be fearful of what He has planned or what He doesn't have planned. I also know that the Lord is teaching me to trust Him. Man, I'll tell ya what...I have been taught a lot by the Lord and been aware of it at the time...but nothing has been this hard. Why have I lost the ability to trust Him? Since when do I not have the courage to walk by faith?






But, you see, that's just it. I have NEVER had faith, NEVER had courage that has been brought upon by my own efforts...it's only because Christ has given me the ability to trust Him, to have faith in Him, and to have courage that I have been able to do anything at all. I pray that the Lord would instill a sense of security in my heart to be humbly accepting of whatever His will is for my life at this moment in time and that He would stir a longing in my heart for the things that are pleasing to Him and to despise the things I want for my own selfish endeavors.